Audrey Flores - Horn

Solo, Chamber, and Orchestral Horn Playing

It's OK

Every year, I go through two months without any work. Without fail or mercy, I am by myself posting videos, practicing furiously, and desperately trying to make this depressing time count for something. Two months, every year. Here’s what I’ve learned in that time:

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Why

In response to one of my blog posts, a reader asked if I had ever considered doing something else besides music (read it in the comments here). I started this blog because I think there’s a story behind all of our pictures of music stands and concert hall panoramas, and we shouldn’t feel bad about taking the bad with the good. Here are the main three reasons I won’t quit, just in case anyone’s wondering.

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Scars

Love. My. New. Headshots!

When we were talking about what we wanted to photoshop, Karjaka mentioned that he had noticed what we thought was the same flaw on my leg. When we realized we had seen different things, I stopped to explain the scar on my right leg that changed the course of my life.

As a little girl, I took figure skating lessons in the hopes of becoming an Olympic-level skater. I was inspired by the artistry of women like Kerrigan, Baiul, Lipinski, and Hughes. There was a painful accident involving the back of an ice skate and my little right leg. 32 internal stitches and a trust fund later, I joined a choir while I was healing up.

The lessons I learned from that choir were pretty simple. “Learn your music and know your words” became a mantra that I kept when I found the horn in band, with “words” becoming “fingerings”. The fund would later go to pay my mother back for sending me to Interlochen.

I’ve racked up many more scars since then; some physical, most emotional, and many professional. The story of the scar on my leg is the beginning of a great love affair, and the other scars are still at the end of Act I. I’ve lost work, changed my sound to get new work, and still I feel like I haven’t found my place in the music world. Through all of it, these scars have shaped me into a woman that is uniquely me. I wish it didn’t hurt so much when they form, but I love that they have changed me forever. They are reminders of times when I was strong, and they’ll eventually remind me of a time where I was different from who I am now.

Here’s hoping that, if you have scars like me, one day you can love them as part of the person you are today.